Tonya taps away at her laptop on the kitchen table, a cup of lukewarm coffee beside her while her toddler takes a nap. Tom juggles snack requests and household tasks between story time and meals. It’s a scene that plays out daily in the homes of parents who work from home or are full-time parents — intentionally creating a space filled with love, laughter, and the occasional chaos of raising young children.
Being with their children all day, they get to witness every milestone — from first steps to first words. Neither would trade a single sticky-fingered hug or toddler meltdown for anything. Being the primary caregivers during these precious early years is a conscious choice.
They sure are grateful because they sure aren’t wealthy. Tonya’s full-time job didn’t pay enough to afford day care and Tom’s wife’s job is enough to get them by if they sacrifice a few extras for a few years. It’s worth it to be there — and be present — not just for the big moments, but for all the little ones in between.
As happy as they are with their decision and have no regrets, the days can start to blend together. Without a break and some adult conversation, they feel alone, lonely, and crave the comradery and socialization of the jobs they willingly gave up. Eager to connect, they strike up conversations with other parents — at parks and playgrounds, both indoor and out.
They find themselves looking forward to reconnecting, so they start scheduling their outings, finding other parents with similar schedules and interests. Now, while the kids play, the grown-ups talk, laugh, and support one another. In these moments, Tonya and Tom rediscover something vital: connection is a necessity. It’s fuel — for their well-being, parenting, and sense of self.
Human Connection is a Biological Necessity
An August 2022 Policy Statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics concluded that “Safe, Supportive Nurturing Relationships” (SSNRs) aren’t just nice to have—they’re a biological necessity[1]. They help children manage stress and boost resilience.
Research is quite clear that from infancy, interactions like responsive parenting and everyday social contacts help children’s brains develop and support their learning.[2] On the flip side, when children are isolated, it can raise their stress hormones (like cortisol), increase their chances of anxiety and depression, and lead to delays in skills like talking, socializing, and thinking[3].
It’s not that different for adults. Less social connection is tied to a variety of health problems at every age.[4] Between 2021 and 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General issued at least seven advisories warning about what he called an “epidemic of loneliness and isolation.” He also issued warnings about “alarming increases in youth mental health challenges” and “dangerous” levels of parental stress.[5] Chronic or toxic stress is experienced by the body similarly to trauma[6] and often shows up as symptoms of physical and/or mental illness.[7]
Historically, There are More Parents At Home Today than in Previous Generations
I relate to both Tonya and Tom. Since my now-adult son was born, I’ve been a stay-at-home or work-from-home parent. During childbirth leave, I found support through a La Leche League group. As our kids weaned, we wanted to stay connected—and save our sanity. Everyone else lived in another town, so I called to take out a classified ad in my local newspaper. Apparently I was a novelty, because they wrote a full-page feature article instead! The group took off, so I started a non-profit and helped launch similar groups nationwide.
At the time, most mothers worked outside the home, so even finding other stay-at-home moms was challenging; after all, we had no internet. We soon welcomed working moms who shared our values, and the organization thrived for 25 years. Shortly after our 30th anniversary, however, it dissolved—impacted by the rise of online networking, increased caution around “strangers,” and a general reluctance to volunteer. The pandemic followed shortly after, which the group wouldn’t have survived.
When our group began, stay-at-home dads were rare. But by 2023, one in five stay-at-home parents were fathers. The majority—79% of mothers and 23% of fathers—reported caregiving as their primary reason for staying home.[8]
Although research consistently shows that in-person socializing offers greater mental, emotional, and physical benefits than virtual interactions, local networking groups have declined as online connections have become easier—especially post-pandemic. People generally report feeling better after face-to-face interaction, but even online engagement improves wellbeing compared to isolation.[9]
Need for Support
While online socializing offers convenience, affordability, and accessibility, there are still compelling reasons to seek out in-person connections.
At-home parents feeling isolated and lonely are not pandemic-related issues; they are timeless, universal feelings almost all at-home parents experience. As far back as 1986, author Arlene Cardozo, in her book, Sequencing (New York: Atheneum, 1986)[10] said that the difficulties of adjusting to being at home are the following:
- Loss of identity,
- Loss of a system of rewards and
- Expectations, and loss of a community of co-workers
All except the last usually resolve during the first year of transition from career to home. Some women, she says, deal with these losses within themselves or have supportive extended family. Others seek out other women in similar circumstances for friendship, stimulating conversation, and networking.
At-home fathers face similar dynamics. Any parent who’s home full-time with children needs support. While many turn to their partners, no one person can—or should be expected to—meet all those emotional and practical needs.
Most stay-at-home parents come from careers where they learned skills like time management, delegation, and teamwork. They were used to support systems and professional networks. Now, they’re applying those same skills to their new full-time job: parenting.
Finding Other Stay-At-Home Parents
Today’s families often live far from relatives, and frequent moves make it hard to build lasting friendships. Grandparents are working longer and may not be nearby to offer hands-on help like a hug, a quick visit, or a trip to the park. They love their kids and grandkids, but they also want to be more than just free babysitters.
This lack of close family and friends can cause at-home parents to feel even more isolated, which causes loneliness to quickly develop. That’s why today’s at-home parents are making more efforts to create a circle of friends for themselves.
When families move, they often place high on their list of priorities finding a neighborhood where there will be other parents home during the days. Accomplishing this, though, may be quite a feat. Some parents visit prospective neighborhoods and parks during the day; they ask about other at-home parents at playgrounds, community centers, public schools, libraries, and preschools.
Some local organizations like churches and community centers are places parents can meet and network with one another. Some may even provide services such as workshops and family programs. Many times, parents will meet each other while participating in child-focused activities, like a weekly library event, and decide to get together again.
Today there are many online resources to find in-person family activities. The first place to start, aside from the places already mentioned, is your local newspaper’s “today’s events” section (which is always online these days).
Doing a quick search online for national organizations in the USA resulted in this nice list:
- MOMS Club: This is a large organization with local chapters across the country, offering support and activities specifically for at-home mothers. It’s the closest to what my non-profit was like.
- The National At-Home Dad Network: This organization focuses on providing support, camaraderie, and resources for stay-at-home fathers.
- Mocha Moms: This organization is focused on connecting mothers, particularly Black mothers, and offers a supportive community with a variety of activities.
- Meetup: This platform allows you to find local groups, including those focused on stay-at-home parents and families, which is where this link goes. Sign up for free and find other groups that meet in person.
- Parent to Parent USA: This organization connects parents of children with special needs, providing support and resources.
If you check out all these resources and just can’t find a local group, consider starting one! Unlike my struggle without the internet, for which I wrote my first manual called Shared Blessings, you can set up your own local event and list on Meetup or your local community event listings.
If you are an at-home parent, I “get” you. I’m “here” for you, and I totally support what you are doing.
References
[1] Garner, Andrew, and Michael Yogman. “Preventing Childhood Toxic Stress: Partnering with Families and Communities to Promote Relational Health.” Pediatrics, vol. 148, no. 2, 26 July 2021, p. e2021052582, https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2021-052582 .
[2] Ilyka, D., Johnson, M. H., & Lloyd-Fox, S. (2021). Infant social interactions and brain development: A systematic review. Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews, 130, 448–469. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2021.09.001
[3] Almeida, I. L. L., Rego, J. F., Teixeira, A. C. G., & Moreira, M. R. (2021). Social isolation and its impact on child and adolescent development: a systematic review. Revista paulista de pediatria : orgao oficial da Sociedade de Pediatria de Sao Paulo, 40, e2020385. https://doi.org/10.1590/1984-0462/2022/40/2020385
[4] Xiong, Y., Hong, H., Liu, C., & Zhang, Y. Q. (2023). Social isolation and the brain: effects and mechanisms. Molecular psychiatry, 28(1), 191–201. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-022-01835-w
[5] Murthy, V. (2023, May 23). Surgeon general issues new advisory about effects social media use has on youth mental health. HHS.gov; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2023, May 23).https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/23/surgeon-general-issues-new-advisory-about-effects-social-media-use-has-youth-mental-health.html. Advisory: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/sg-youth-mental-health-social-media-advisory.pdf.
Murthy, V. (2024, June 17). Opinion | Surgeon General: Why I’m Calling for a Warning Label on Social Media Platforms. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/06/17/opinion/social-media-health-warning.html
Murthy, V. (2024, August 7). Youth Mental Health—Current Priorities of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2024-08-07). www.hhs.gov. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/youth-mental-health/index.html
Murthy, V. (2024, August 14). Parental Mental Health & Well-Being. HHS.gov. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/parents/index.html. Opinion Essay: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/parents-under-pressure.pdf
[6] Harvard University. (2024, December 16). What Are ACEs? And How o They Relate to Toxic Stress? Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/infographics/aces-and-toxic-stress-frequently-asked-questions/
[7] National Institute of Mental Health. (2024, May). Coping with Traumatic Events. Www.nimh.nih.gov. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events
[8] Fry, R. (2023, August 3). Almost 1 in 5 stay-at-home parents in the U.S. are dads. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/08/03/almost-1-in-5-stay-at-home-parents-in-the-us-are-dads/
[9] Seidman, G. (2022, September 6). How Do Digital and In-Person Interactions Affect Wellbeing? | Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/202209/how-do-digital-and-in-person-interactions-affect-wellbeing
[10] Sequencing: Cardoza, Arlene Rossen: 9780020422358: Amazon.com: Books. (2025). Amazon.com. https://www.amazon.com/Sequencing-Arlene-Rossen-Cardoza/dp/0020422350
