Praise for Parents

“Of all the jobs and professions in the world, parenting is the most important, difficult, and potentially rewarding. It is the only job that never ends; we are parents 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 12 months a year, every year. Even when children are adults, we are still their parent. We don’t make money by having children; we spend it. Our paychecks can’t be measured by material standards; they are hugs, thank-you’s, smiles, and seeing our child grow and mature.” – – Excerpt from The Parent’s Toolshop®

Parenting advice usually focuses on the challenges parents face, mistakes to avoid, and effective skills we can use. But every parent and parenting “partner” deserves a pat on the back for doing something positive, even on a small scale, which means a lot to a child. I want to make sure we do that here, now, and then.

Is there someone in your child’s life, maybe a coach, grandparent, daycare provider, or teacher, who has been a positive influence on your child? Is there someone who made a positive impact on you as a child or teen? Have you ever seen a parent handle a difficult problem skillfully? Ever seen children behaving well in a challenging situation? Well, speak up!

I want each of you to do any or all of the following things:

Pick up a phone or pen and thank a person who did something nice for your child or for you as a parent or child. Be specific about what they did and how it helped.
The next time you see a parent struggling with a challenging situation, reach out to them. If it would be inappropriate to speak to them, give them an understanding smile that says “Hey, I’ve been there. I support you.”
When you see parents do something positive, even if there was no problem – – in fact, what they did may have prevented a problem – – say something to them. I often whisper in their ear, “I really admired the way you . . .” and then describe what they did.

Several times, strangers have come up to me and either compliments me on how I handled a situation, how well-behaved my children were, or how well they got along. I can’t tell you what that meant to me, especially as a new mother. Despite my training and knowledge about parenting, I also feel insecure and unsure of myself as a parent at times. Because these comments mean so much to me, I make an extra effort to get over my shyness about talking to strangers to give others a compliment. (Yes, I can breeze through a media interview or speak to 200 people, but am insecure and introverted in social situations.) I encourage you to do the same.

If you miss an opportunity or want to share a story that will inspire others, send me a short one-paragraph story about a parent you observed “being good.” Now and then, I’ll include them in the column under a special “Praise for Parents” section. Here’s a story my husband shared with me recently:

“At the grocery store, I saw a dad in his work clothes with two young children. As they came in, he carefully spun the cart in circles and they were all laughing. Shopping with young kids can be an ordeal, but he found a way to make a fun adventure of it.”

I hope that you, too, will make an extra effort to have fun with your children. The years fly by so fast, so lighten up, and don’t take everything seriously. Look at all the blessings your children bring and the good times you’ve had. These are the memories and “emotional paychecks” that will get you through the tough times.

If you tend to expect perfection of yourself, it can be helpful to manage expectations of yourself. Daily affirmations can also help you reprogram your self-talk, so you can be the best parent you want to be, without expecting perfection, which leads to feelings of guilt when you are simply being human. Here’s an affirmation (and image you can print & post) to read to yourself; it’s an excerpt from The Parent’s Toolshop® book. If you are alone, read it out loud. The spoken word is far more powerful than a thought.

Declaration of Imperfection

I, now, allow myself to be an imperfect parent; one who makes mistakes and is sometimes
wrong. I know I have made mistakes in the past and am sure to make more in the future. That’s
okay. While I am not happy about my mistakes, I am not afraid of them. Instead, I strive to
learn what I can from the experience to improve myself in the future. When I catch a mistake, I
correct myself respectfully. I pick myself up and don’t put myself down. As I become a better
and better parent, I won’t make the same mistakes too often—but, I still won’t be a perfect
parent. That’s okay, because my goal is continual improvement, not perfection.

— The Parent’s Toolshop®

If you want more insights, information and practical tools, and tips about self-esteem, listen to a one-hour recording of a live workshop called, “Nutritious Appetizers That Boost Self-esteem and Avoid Obese Egos.”

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Jody Johnston Pawel is a Licensed Social Worker, Certified Family Life Educator, Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Certified World Class Speaker Coach, is one of the first Certified Family Life Coaches to qualify at the Expert Level, and received the 2024-25 Margaret E. Arcus Award for Outstanding Family Life Educator by the National Council on Family Relations. She is also the author of the award-winning book The Parent’s Toolshop® and over 100 research-based parenting curricula, programs, and resources. She’s a top-rated speaker who has trained over 100,000 parents and professionals and has certified over 100 Parent’s Toolshop® trainers and coaches worldwide. She serves as a parenting expert to the media, with 300+ media appearances, and was the Assistant Producer and On-air Parenting Expert of the Emmy-nominated Ident-a-Kid television series. Connect with her online on social media or use the “contact” pages at any of her websites or her e-library. A good place to start is https://RelationshipToolshop.com

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Praise for Parents